“The older I get the more clearly I remember things that never happened.”

“The best gift you can give is a hug: one size fits all and no one ever minds if you return it.”

“If you are older and you don’t hurt somewhere when you get up in the morning, you may already be dead. Check your pulse.”

“When your life flashes before your eyes at the end, make sure it’s a good movie you’re watching.”

“A major perk of death is that you don’t have to clean up after yourself. If you can’t muster the courage to deal with your three storage units, leave the contents to your heirs. Mention in the will that there’s something valuable in one of them.”

“I’m planning to give up worrying. I want to, but I’m worried I won’t be able to.”