“To age is to learn more than you ever wanted to know about body parts that once went about their business offstage.”

“Wouldn’t it be terrible if you’d spent all your life doing everything you were supposed to do … and suddenly one day you were run over by a big red bus, and as the wheels were crunching into you, you’d say, “Oh my God, I could have got so drunk…

“Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.”

“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.”

“God is like, ‘I’m with you up to about thirty-eight.’ After that, God says, ‘If you want to stay, you can stay. But I’m moving on.’”

“To do good work one must eat well, be well housed, have one’s fling from time to time…and drink one’s coffee in peace.”