Though it’s not uncommon for older adults to live their later years in age-segregated communities, either by choice or by necessity, there’s also something to be said about mixing it up with younger people. In fact, the concept of an intergenerational friendship- that is, having a friend who is at least 15 years younger or older than you– is becoming a more studied and supported concept, as both younger and older generations are reporting more and more feelings of social isolation and loneliness, and as the value of friendships for healthy aging is becoming more clear. According to AARP, 37% of Americans report having a friend of another generation. This trend is especially important, given that 61% of American adults report that having a friend is extremely or very important for having a fulfilling life, even more so than marriage, money, or children. 

Can friendships between a younger and older person really work? Not only can they work but they can be a rich and rewarding experience for both people in the relationship. The same AARP survey cited above found that nearly ½ of the intergenerational friendships reported have lasted over 10 years. What’s the key to the success of these friendships? As an Op-ed in The Washington Post recently stated, like any friendship, intergenerational friendships boil down to the fact that each party to the relationship just enjoys the company of the other. Moreover, as a recent post in Vox emphasized, these friendships require what every friendship needs: mutual respect and caring about each other. That means asking thoughtful questions of the other, finding common ground that you both care about and acknowledging that you both have something to share and transmit to the other. The best of these relationships go both ways: Younger people are exposed to new and valuable experiences of what growing older encompasses and what the possibilities are and older adults gain the possibility of a more youthful outlook and are known to be more satisfied with the aging process when they have friendships with younger adults. Both parties may also put aside biases about other generations and instead explore what being of another age is like in the world today.

So how do these friendships arise? Anecdotally, there are so many ways to nurture an intergenerational friendship as long as you remain open to the idea. One writer reports on the rapport and ultimately deep friendship she developed with a man almost 60 years her senior when she was hired to help write his biography as a legacy for his family. Another writer relays the leap she took in inviting an interesting man 50+ years her senior to join her for coffee when they serendipitously met at a bakery. Two women 50 years apart in age became fast friends after meeting at a dance class. Or, as Marc Freedman, Founder and co-CEO of CoGenerate, a company seeking to bridge the divides between people of different ages, recently said when he was videotaped for the PBS series Brief But Spectacular, the key to bringing generations together is proximity and purpose: having multiple generations be in the same place at the same time working for similar purposes or goals and finding joy in being together.  Whether that joy is discovered in programs supporting mentoring, community volunteering or religious organizations, or even in multigenerational workforces, any of these settings can allow for a natural development of friendship among different generations so long as both parties are open to it. And even if the parties have little in common, the joy of just being in each other’s presence is sometimes enough to create lasting and loving bonds. For one creative exploration of how such friendships can exist and thrive despite generational gaps, watch here.