Let’s face it. No matter your age or relationship status, the Covid pandemic has made it harder to maintain (much less initiate) an active social and dating life. A recent study from the Pew Research Center confirms the dating challenges so many have had during the last few years. Add to that the challenge of getting back out there, either due to death or divorce, when you haven’t dated in years, and you can understand why so many older adults are either reluctant to enter the dating scene or scammed and defrauded once they attempt to engage and connect.

The good news is that there is a lot of advice, support, and happy-ending stories that should encourage you to rethink your inhibitions and open yourself up to new opportunities and romance in your later years. Many experts and “serial daters” have taken to sharing their experiences, so that you can learn from their mistakes, celebrate their triumphs, and gain confidence that you, too, can be successful in the dating game. One place you may want to start is with the newly published book, Gray Love: Stories About Dating and New Relationships After 60. With stories from 45 contributors (32 women and 13 men), the editors of this volume hope to give you insights into what many experience as they put themselves out there, start new relationships, negotiate online introductions and even grieve a previous love while initiating a new one. To find out more, catch this recent interview with the book’s editors here.

And speaking of a personal story, writer Debbie Weiss, author of the book Available As Is: A Midlife Widow’s Search for Love, recently shared her story of starting to look for dates online after the death of her longtime husband. Sharing her experience on Next Avenue, Weiss provides 5 important lessons that she learned the hard way (and that you can adapt for your own dating path). Among the pieces of hard-won advice? Join groups to fight loneliness, rather than immediately jumping into dating. This way, with a busy life, you’ll feel less pressure to go out with the “wrong” people and you may even pick up some new friends. Also, be confident without equivocation when you want to say no to something: stand up for yourself and don’t agree to anything that doesn’t feel right to you. Finally, find out about yourself- and what you enjoy as a single person, before hopping on the dating train. The good news from Debbie Weiss? Five years after the loss of her husband she has found her “second person” through online dating and they’ve now been together for four years.

For most people these days, online dating is the entry to a new relationship. (Though in-person opportunities may still exist in your vicinity, as you can see in this story from CBS News about a speed dating and activities-based service on Long Island). But if online is more accessible and less threatening as a way to start, there’s a lot of opportunity and advice to help. First, Forbes recently released its Best Senior Dating Sites of 2023, which ranks dating websites for older adults based on such criteria as cost, algorithms for matchmaking, and questionnaires to allow you to put your best foot forward and allow you to learn more about potential dates. To aid in putting your best foot forward, there are coaching and support services available to help older adults navigate online dating sites with panache and confidence. The New York Times recently profiled courses to help you appropriately text a potential partner as you enter the dating arena. Or, consider the website Chapter Two Dating, which offers Zoom workshops to help women over 50 navigate the online dating scene. They also have a useful resource page with many relevant dating blog posts. Specifically for widowers, the website National Widowers Organization has a “Dating” page that provides resources and dating websites that might have more appeal to singles learning to date after losing a mate. One woman in the UK started her own dating app last fall, called Chapter 2 after she realized there was no “safe and supportive community of widows and widowers who are ready to move forward” and look for love again. While it’s not likely a potential dating resource for people in the US, there’s still a lot to learn from the blog posts on her website. 

Bottom line? As Debbie Weiss made clear, with patience and perseverance, you, too, can find your “second person” and, as she rejoiced, “Love is that much sweeter for having found it later in life.”