The writer and activist Letty Cottin Pogrebin once said, “We need old friends to help us grow old and new friends to help us stay young.” The challenge, as an older adult, is maintaining and sustaining those long-term friendships while seeking out newer friendships as life evolves in your later years. Whether old or new, we know with certainty that friendships are critical to maintaining your physical and cognitive health and quality of life as an older adult. Social engagement, even with those who are not bosom buddies, is essential to keeping your brain sharp as you get on in years. The question becomes, how to make sure friendships are present in your life, whether old or new, despite the vicissitudes of aging that we all face.

Long-time friends can be the glue that keeps us connected to our life stories, in addition to being a sounding board for the tough decisions that confront us all. As Melinda French Gates recently described her 3 long-time friends, they are her “truth council” who are supportive and candid even when she doesn’t want to hear the truth. Therefore, maintaining those long-time friendships, if at all possible, is critical. How is that possible? There’s not a lot of research on why long-time friendships end but there are many suggestions for trying to keep a friendship rather than letting it end. For example, a recent article in The Washington Post suggested that you determine what you want out of the friendship, assume positive intent from your friend, and perhaps try something new together to stay connected. Similarly, in a recent article in Time on rebuilding broken relationships, the article discussed “turning points” in relationships, when bonds may change for better or worse, and how friendships often have many of these turning points. The article suggests reaching out in baby steps, perhaps starting with a text and then moving on to face-to-face, and maintaining a consistent connection once you’ve reconnected. Vox also posted an article about friends from the past and detailing how you can reconnect with those old friends. While most people are reluctant to reach out after a long hiatus, it’s surprising that those old friends often welcome the outreach. What hinders many from making that important reconnection? As the article makes clear, socializing is a skill that needs practice- and many of us are out of practice as we enter our later years.

And what about those new friends? Your life in retirement and beyond may look quite different than it was when earlier friendships were cemented, and it may be time to create bonds with peers who will meet you where you are and have similar experiences in their later years. For example, an interesting point was made in a recent article in The Atlantic. While the Golden Bachelorette has now featured a mature woman looking to select from a bevy of single older men, perhaps the most interesting part of this television show has been the new friendships that have arisen among the eligible men, many of whom share the bond of being widowed or heartbroken, which becomes the glue to making friendships within in the group. There’s no shortage of advice for making new friends, either in your age range or even younger, as an older adult. For example, aging columnist Helen Dennis recently pointed out that some of your longer-term friendships may not be as satisfying, as you are confronted with physical distance, changing interests, and an evolving set of priorities and values. She recommends instead you pursue new friendships based on activities you want to engage in, taking a risk with those you don’t know, and taking the initiative to spark a connection. Forbes also recently queried experts about advice for making friends in retirement. With recommendations ranging from the need for successful relationships to include positivity, consistency, and vulnerability, to understanding that friendships are “made rather than found,” the clear message is that building new friendships requires both parties to really see and hear each other, share vulnerabilities, and support and connect over shared interests and each other’s well being.

Maintaining old friendships and nurturing new ones requires time and effort. There’s no way around the fact that friendships are built over time rather than instantaneously formed. And as one older woman remarked about her attempts to find new friendships, “I decided that in order to make friends, you have to be a friend to yourself. You have to understand where you’re at and what you enjoy doing.” So discover your passions, pursue activities that connect you to those passions, and open yourself up to being ready to create new friendships whenever they arise.