It’s pretty common among those of us with adult children to want to do all we can to help them. And for good reason: Millennials came of age during a time of financial crisis, exploding student debt and when helicopter parenting came into vogue. It’s no wonder that there are reports of delayed retirement and extended financial help by Boomer parents for cars, weddings, and other essentials that our kids need. In fact, there are even reports that Boomer parents are to blame for the less-than-frugal ways of some spendthrift adult children.

But the ties that bind seem to go well beyond financial. It turns out that today’s parents of adult children are not only shelling out the bucks but are also hoping to sustain and extend the relationship in ways that previous generations never did. A provocative new article in The Wall Street Journal (paywall) tells the story of several Baby Boomer parents who are deeply immersed in the lives of their adult children or find themselves disappointed when that’s not the case. The article cites a 2012 study that reports that beginning in the early 2000s, parents began offering their adult children twice as much counsel and support as their own parents previously did. These increased levels of connection make it harder for adult children to let go as well as causing more disappointment for Boomers if they don’t have as close a relationship with their kids as they had expected. As one father states, “My self-identity is very closely tied to my relationship with my children.” The article also provides some tips for stepping back, including withholding unsolicited advice and focusing more on your own life rather than the lives of your kids.

One final piece of advice: Let your kids make mistakes. And that’s advice echoed by Richard Watts, an adviser to wealthy families and the author of the book, Entitlemania: How Not To Spoil You Kids and What To Do If You Have. Writing in a recent post in Next Avenue, Watts urges Baby Boomer parents to allow adult children to stumble, as that will allow them to develop the necessary skills of resilience and recovery. It doesn’t mean you should never help- but by setting limits, you help build important coping skills in adult children and also free up time and resources to develop some new skills and opportunities for yourself. So take a step back and take a deep breath- for your kids and for yourself.