Whether it be from Covid, trauma, or the natural aging process (and the inevitable afflictions that arise as a result), many of us may be dealing with the death of loved ones. Be it an older parent or a beloved partner, loss is never easy and grief is something we will all face at some point in our lives. As for the death of a loved one, not only will the grief be unique to each person and potentially ongoing (as psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross taught us) but in fact, it can be life-threatening, especially if the one you have lost is a partner or spouse. According to the concept of “the widowhood effect,” older adults who lose their spouse are at an increased risk of death themselves. In the first 3 months following a spouse’s death, their own risk of death shoots up 66%. It recedes after that, though remains somewhat more elevated than it was prior to the death of the loved one. For a list of recommended resources to help you cope with grief following the loss of your spouse, take a look here. And to dispel some myths and misconceptions about the grief you may experience when you lose your spouse, take a deep breath and click here.

As a widowed spouse, you are likely to face grief, personal vulnerability, a host of physical and psychological side effects, as well as the very practical consequences of dealing with changing life (and likely financial) circumstances. While it may all be overwhelming, there are some necessary and immediate practical considerations you will face. For example, among the items mentioned in a recently published “Checklist for Handling the Death of a Spouse,” were locating essential documents like the will, insurance policies, and bills needing immediate payment. Among those issues that will then necessarily follow are securing multiple copies of death certificates (something usually done through a funeral home) and notifications to essential contacts like employers, insurance companies, credit card accounts, accountants, attorneys, and any other important service providers in your orbit. 

Perhaps the one place where questions arise the most regarding immediate actions to take has to do with Social Security. Of necessity, the Social Security Administration needs to know that your spouse has passed away, especially if he or she received payments following retirement. While this is something likely to be taken care of by the funeral home, you may also want to be sure that notification is made (here is the form filed by a funeral home, which includes information on survivor’s benefits and other details.) To be filed under the heading of “for future reference,” a recent article in the Dallas Morning News provides clear instructions about handling Social Security when your spouse passes away. Depending on your situation and that of your deceased spouse, some payments may be okay to keep, others will need to be returned, and how much you may claim in survivor benefits depends on your benefits and those of your spouse before the death. You need to understand that receiving and using another person’s benefits (even if they were your deceased spouse’s) is a crime, so make sure that you have clarity about whether those benefits should be discontinued and/or returned.  AARP also has a useful post on this same topic.

While it’s practical to focus on money matters, the reality is that a wide array of factors may cloud your mind when your spouse passes away. Everything from the distress of suddenly being alone to the awkward exchanges with friends who don’t know what to say will confront you, and while there may be things that require immediate attention the expert advice is always to go easy on yourself.  Also, recognize that it may take time to make hard and irrevocable decisions. Seeking support is always advisable and there are many resources out there to help. Take a look at the website Cake, for example, which has a wide array of posts for those newly widowed, including topics as broad as finding a support group to disposing of a wedding ring. And for specific help finding online support groups, Cake suggests you look here.