If there’s any silver lining to the coronavirus pandemic, it just may be that each of us has had to confront the reality of death in a way we’ve never had to previously. While so many during COVID have had to face the harsh reality of a hospital death without a loved one at the bedside, trends prior to COVID showed that death had begun to “come home” in American society– that is, more and more people desired, and realized, a death at home rather than in a hospital or other facility. And part of what has made that transition to home easier for both patients and their families is the presence of a “death doula.” 

The role of a death doula, serving as an informed, compassionate presence near and during death for both patients and loved ones, has been evolving over time- and through the pandemic- as the needs of those at the end of life have changed. Providing a range of non-medical services- everything from advance care planning to relaxation exercises, music selections, and even funeral planning- doulas can help patients find meaning and families find peace of mind as the end approaches. Their services cover a range of phases– from planning and preparing for death, to being present at the bedside as death approaches to helping families with grief and emotional well-being after a loved one has died. For some examples of the sorts of doula services available, check out the websites of doula Alua Arthur and Virginia Chang. And to locate a doula in your vicinity, take a look at the websites of the National End-of-Life Doula Alliance and the International End of Life Doula Association. Both organizations provide training for those who want to become a death doula, which is often a life choice made by those whose personal experience has been one of difficulty or tragedy associated with the death of a loved one. 

And speaking of tragedy- one of the many sources of grief for family members during COVID has been the anxiety that patients have died alone, without the presence of their loved ones at the bedside. And while this has caused emotional upheaval for families and caregivers, there is some evidence that patients themselves may not always feel alone as death approaches. A pioneer in this research is Dr. Christopher Kerr, a hospice physician in Buffalo, and co-author of the book Death Is But A Dream: Finding Hope and Meaning at Life’s End. Through pioneering efforts to understand the experiences of his patients as they begin the death process, Dr. Kerr has come to realize that patients who are approaching death seem to regularly experience life-like dreams and visions of deceased loved ones that bring comfort and calmness in their final days. In fact, he’s found that 80% of his patients experience these vivid, meaningful, transformative dreams. Understanding this very rich human experience at the end of life has been rewarding for Dr. Kerr and a comfort to families who worry about loved ones suffering and alone, especially during COVID. In fact, these unique end-of-life experiences have now been captured in a new documentary about Dr. Kerr and his patients, which will begin airing on national PBS stations later this spring. To watch the trailer for “Death Is But A Dream,” click here and find out more about this upcoming film here.