It’s one of the sad rights of passage as you get older to experience loss. Whether it’s your parents, a spouse, another loved one, or a friend, few of us reach our later years without experiencing loss several times over. And just because you are exposed to loss doesn’t mean you can easily handle it or you won’t be affected in significant ways. In fact, recent research suggests you can experience loss on the cellular level so that it’s possible to see the effects of loss on your biological aging process. According to a new study published in JAMA Network Open, people who have lost someone meaningful in their lives (a parent, partner, sibling, or child) have signs of accelerated biological aging compared to those who have not experienced such losses. These losses may have occurred many years earlier, even during childhood years, yet they show up later in life as causes of accelerated biological aging- and the more losses you have, the more impact there may be. As experts acknowledge, “The connection between losing loved ones and health problems throughout life is well-established…Losing a close family member at any age poses health risks, and repeated losses can increase the risks of heart disease, mortality, and dementia; and impacts may persist or become apparent long after the event.” For more on this study, click here, and for a more general overview of dealing with grief and loss as an older adult, take a look at this post from the National Institute on Aging.

While most of us are familiar with the 5 stages of grief outlined by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the pioneering Swiss-American psychiatrist, in fact, everyone grieves differently and your own grief process may look nothing like the staged outline developed by Kübler-Ross. As writer Linda Kinstler recently wrote in The Atlantic, “Figuring out how to “mourn well” is the task of life, an assignment that by its very nature cannot be completed.” Some may find a support group or bereavement counselor to be of help. As a bereavement counselor recently wrote in The Guardian, “Where grief has got stuck, or when it has still not even begun – that is when you might need a protected space, and time, and a good, receptive listener with whom you can find it in yourself to truly suffer the pain of your loss.” There are also some highly regarded books that many have found valuable in helping them cope with their grief, several of which were recently highlighted by The New York Times, including Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart by Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt and It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine.

If you’re in the position of trying to help someone who’s grieving, there are many valuable ways to be helpful, well beyond mere expressions of sympathy. According to a recent article in The Washington Post, written by therapist Emma Nadler (herself a person grieving loss as the caregiver for a severely disabled daughter), Nadler lists 5 ways to reach out and support those in your circle who are grieving. Her recommendations? Listen without trying to fix, offer specific help that someone can choose from, small acts of outreach are meaningful, and perhaps most importantly, keep showing up in whatever ways the person might find meaningful. As Nadler writes, most of us who grieve need someone to “metaphorically walk beside us.”