Why I Want To Become An End-Of-Life Doula By Kathleen Rehl (Part 1 Of A 3-Part Series)

By Kathleen M. Rehl, Ph.D., CFP®, CeFT® Emeritus 

My late husband died in my arms two months after his cancer diagnosis, whispering the word “love” on his lips and locking eyes with me. Mom passed a month later, as my brother and I held her hands. And I was no stranger to death because less than two years before, my daddy died days after celebrating his 80th birthday. 

I took this photo of my parents and husband almost 20 years ago. They are still with me in spirit. 

Death is a profound and intimate experience, one that many people fear or avoid discussing. But for me, it’s been a series of deeply meaningful encounters that have shaped my perspective on life and the legacy we leave behind. My journey toward becoming an end-of-life doula began with the deaths of the people I loved most—my husband, my mother, and my father. Each of these deaths, though heart-wrenching, taught me about the power of presence, compassion, and the human spirit. 

Little did I know that this death trilogy, which included the dying process, would start a journey drawing me closer to the mysteries of life and death. It left an indelible mark on me. These three cherished souls still influence my life path despite their departures. They ignited a desire to help others navigate the end-of-life journey with dignity, grace, and love . . . as an end-of-life doula. 

What Is an End-Of-Life Doula?

According to the International End-of-life Doula Association, doulas “provide companionship, comfort, and guidance to those facing a terminal illness or death. Our non-medical holistic support encompasses emotional, spiritual, and practical care. We offer resources to help the dying person, along with their family and loved ones, make informed decisions in a supportive environment. Doulas normalize deathcare by creating spaces for conversations, leading to increased communication and spiritual and emotional well-being.” 

You may be more familiar with the term “birth doula,” a professional who provides emotional, physical, and educational support before, during, or after birth. An “end-of-life doula,” also known as a “death doula,” assists with the dying process at the end of life. 

Death Doulas Featured In Podcasts, TV and Books

Going mainstream, these three stories that caught my attention recently: 

• The Collected Regrets of Clover by Mikki Brammer is a novel whose main character is an end-of-life doula.
• NPR interview of Alua Arthur, author of Briefly Perfectly Human: Making an Authentic Life by Getting Real About the End
• Maryland is on Masterpiece PBS. It’s a three-episode drama that includes a mother’s dying wish and the death doula who knew her well.

We’ll see more death doulas in popular media in the future as the demand for end-of-life doulas continues to increase. It’s a rapidly growing field as attitudes about death and dying continue to evolve, with alternative methods to support individuals and their families sought. 

I Want to Help Others

Early this year, I set an intention to learn more and train to become an end-of-life doula. I want to support others in their final months, weeks, or days, offering practical assistance and emotional and spiritual care. When appropriate, I want to help families create meaningful memories and find peace in their sorrows. I hope to assist individuals in leaving a legacy through words, actions, and how they live the remainder of their lives.

My work with legacy writing has shown me how important it is for people to feel that their lives have mattered and will be remembered. I’ll continue guiding others to craft their stories so they live long after the authors are gone.

Where is Training Offered? 

I researched many end-of-life doula training programs. Features I considered included content, teaching faculty, recommendation by a death doula friend, scheduling, time, in-person or online learning, cost, certification options, legacy work, nonprofit status, and more. Below are several organizations that offer a range of training alternatives for those interested in becoming an end-of-life doula.

1. Care Doula School of Accompanying the Dying
2. Doulagivers Institute
3. Going With Grace
4. International End of Life Doula Association (INELDA)
5. Lifespan Doula Association
6. Soul Midwives
7. The Conscious Dying Institute
8. University of Vermont End-of-Life Doula Professional Certificate

The best fit for me seems to be the International End-of-Life Doula Association, with its three-day intensive in-person training at the Omega Institute, a New York nonprofit educational organization at the forefront of holistic studies. 

So, I applied for admission and was accepted for training in INELDA’s upcoming mid-September cohort. After completing the training and associated post-course work, I’ll write my second agebuzz article focusing on the training’s components, including follow-up that may lead to certification. My final article will appear in 2025 when I share how I’m using my new knowledge and skills. 

This journey will be challenging and extremely interesting, and I am ready to embrace it. Death is a sacred passage that deserves to be honored and respected. By becoming an end-of-life doula, I want to bring more comfort to those who pass on and those they leave behind.

Kathleen M. Rehl, Ph.D., CFP®, CeFT® wrote the award-winning book, Moving Forward on Your Own: A Financial Guidebook for Widows. She owned Rehl Financial Advisors for 18 years, followed by an encore career empowering widows. Now “reFired,” Rehl writes legacy stories and assists nonprofits. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Kiplinger’s, CNBC, and more. She’s an adjunct faculty at The American College of Financial Services. As a zesty Boomer practicing positive aging, she gratefully continues to create and contribute . . . happily using her skills and experiences to encourage others to live their best lives. Her website is https://www.kathleenrehl.com.