Starring Roles: Embracing Your Age, Appearance, And Roles As You Age by Susanna P. Barton

By Susanna P. Barton

Getting older is a wonderful privilege and we can all do a better job embracing the positives. In addition to assuming new roles as grandparents, mentors, seasoned specialists, and leaders, we get to celebrate our wrinkles and refined appearance and account for all the incredible experiences, strengths, and blessings we’ve seized at this point in our aging journey. And it’s all for the better when we can appreciate and take ownership of our parts in this chapter – life’s second, and arguably better, half.

If we don’t – or can’t, or simply won’t – we are missing out on all the good stuff! This is a role we should never turn down or overlook.

Research supports the notion that we become more self-confident and more accomplished in our roles the older we get. This is fantastic news. A 2018 study published in Psychology Bulletin found that people are the most confident and comfortable in their skin at age 60 when most adults have let things go and can embrace the realities and pleasures of being older. According to this Yahoo news story, 60 is the age when most of us have reached “a more stable environment. By this time, you may have formed solid relationships, been promoted to various positions at work, or helped your children grow into dependable adults.”

The trick is accepting this beautiful fact of life because doing so brings us the confidence we need to see ourselves in the best light. Aging allows us to take on new roles and flex new strengths without worrying about what others think or how we look doing it. We get to embrace our aging experience because it feels good, has purpose, and makes a profound impact on the well-being of others – not for any other reason!

A recent study from the University of Oklahoma looked at what makes people feel confident about their aging and found that people who feel and perceive that they look younger, feel better and more comfortable in their purpose and role as an aging adult. It suggests we can embrace these positives in more ways than just focusing on appearance. According to a press release from the University of Oklahoma, the study shows that “people who identify themselves as looking younger have more positive experiences and experience better mental and physical health outcomes. Additionally, people who look more youthful report less age-based discrimination. Looking young, however, may not be the only thing aging Americans should focus on.” According to study author Julie Ober Allen, “We should be emphasizing healthy behaviors, many of which have implications for aging and appearance. If you exercise, maintain a healthy weight and don’t smoke, you will look younger as you age. Appearance essentially becomes a secondary outcome,” she said. “By engaging in healthy behaviors, you will be healthier, have a better quality of life, and will have fewer functional limitations.”

Some say embracing new roles – such as being a grandparent or mentor to younger folks – will make you feel younger, at least according to one study. “The analysis suggests that older people who enjoy being grandparents feel younger, believe that people become old at older ages, and hope to live longer than those who do not enjoy grandparenting. In addition, those who became grandparents at younger ages feel older than those who enter this role “on time.” While becoming a grandparent at a young age may in a sense accelerate aging, positive interaction with grandchildren can lead to a younger age identity.”

Arthur C. Brooks, one of my favorite authors, wrote a piece on the role of grandparent in a June 2023 issue of The Atlantic. It is worth a read and a subscription if you cannot access it directly. One of the points he makes is that these relationships are influential, essential, and require input. 

“According to a 2018 AARP survey of 2,654 grandparents, more than half (53 percent) discussed morals or values with their grandkids…Most grandparents seem to believe they have a high-quality bond with their grandchildren. One study from 2002 found that 57 percent of grandparents rated their relationship as excellent, and 45 percent said they were “very close” to their grandchildren. The most involved grandparents are about two and a half times more likely than the most detached to say the relationship is excellent. Three things predict relationship quality and satisfaction, according to another study: contact frequency, participation in activities, and commitment.”

It takes work to star in these roles! And surprisingly, some people don’t even see it coming.

“Becoming elderly often takes us by surprise,” said Linda K Stroh, Ph.D., and Karen K. Brees, Ph.D., in their book Getting Real About Getting Older. “Unlike other stages of life, we have done little to prepare for this one. It’s clear with other stages of life that we literally take on a new identity – of spouse or partner, parent, new brand manager, shift supervisor, doctor, lawyer, factory worker. Most of us, however, are not aware that we have a new identity or need to create one as we become older.”

If age, appearance, and role are among the greatest parts of getting older, how do we maximize our opportunities to enhance them? Here are a few thoughts on ways we can be more comfortable expecting, celebrating, and seizing these trophy parts as we age.

• Stop saying “I’m not old,” or “I don’t want to live there with all those OLD people” or “I don’t like being here with all those old folks.” That kind of talk is not helping with your embrace of the acceptance of aging. Getting older is not a competition and no one is doing it better or worse than you are. If anyone is #winning it’s the person who is grateful and eager to be older, wiser, and better.
• Look at yourself in the mirror and love and be proud of yourself for every fine line, wrinkle, and extra pound. You worked hard to get here, be proud of the you you’ve become!
• Take account of your strengths and expertise and look for ways to share it with other people as a mentor or teacher. There are many places to be a mentor to students, younger people in your field of work, or enthusiasts who share your interest, activity, or passion. Look for ways to apply your unique fluency in some area to someone else’s educational experience.
• Consider your new second-half roles – grandparent, mentor, teacher, wisdom-sharer – as your new jobs. By so doing, you can establish real structure around developing these roles and applying the time, interest, and attention necessary to find purpose in them.
• Become less focused on yourself – your appearance, your success, your achievement – and emphasize others and what you can do to benefit them. This work will require more intentional presence, better listening skills, and dedication to someone who’s not named you.
• Find the joy in aging. In an April 2021 TED piece by Ingrid Fetell Lee titled Aging is inevitable, so why not do it joyfully? Lee shares a few ideas about how to age with joy. Her suggestions include seeking out awe, getting a culture fix, stimulating your senses, and maximizing mobility – all great additions to a workable Grand Plan.

There are so many strengths we can embrace as elder adults that can redefine our sunset stroll as a beautiful, empowering phase of life that offers unique opportunities for growth and fulfillment. We can celebrate wisdom and experience, inner peace and acceptance, more time for reflection on our journey, gratitude for life, new opportunities that may be just around the corner, stronger relationships with family and friends who are at different stages of life, building a legacy and appreciating this reinvention of ourselves. Embracing old age is not about denying the challenges that come with it but instead accepting and celebrating the unique gifts it brings.

Susanna Barton, a member of Jacksonville Mayor Donna Degan’s subcommittee on elder care, has worked as a professional writer in Jacksonville for nearly 30 years and is the founder of the Grand Plans online community, podcast, newsletter, and blog.  Her book Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and its accompanying workbook, the Grand Planner, are available in local stores and on Amazon. For more information, http://www.mygrandplans.com.