By Susanna P.Barton
As we all age and make plans for our second half, one of the most important things we can do for ourselves is to connect with a community of people who can provide support, camaraderie, and inspiration for our journey. Approaching our Grand Planning with reliable, dedicated teammates changes the game and gives us the edge we need to design winning strategies for our shared senior experience.
It’s also crucial to identify your Most Valuable Players, your “person” or people – the individuals who will serve in such vital and legally binding roles as your Power of Attorney, Health Care Proxy, and Executor. These key players are an integral part of your community team. By making these decisions and selecting these individuals, we are taking charge of our future and ensuring that we have the support we need to be Grand Planning Champions!
Let’s address the whys before we get to the hows of senior social connections. Building community with others is good for our health. The Mayo Clinic describes this network as “the key” to healthy aging. Risks of loneliness, according to a Mayo article, include premature death, dementia, heart disease, and stroke. And loneliness has become an epidemic in our country. A recent Healthy Minds Monthly Poll from the American Psychiatric Association (APA) indicates “30 percent of adults say they have experienced feelings of loneliness at least once a week over the past year, while 10% say they are lonely every day.”
The trends are even worse for older Americans. According to findings from the Centers for Disease Control, “A report from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (NASEM) points out that more than one-third of adults aged 45 and older feel lonely, and nearly one-fourth of adults aged 65 and older are considered to be socially isolated. Older adults are at increased risk for loneliness and social isolation because they are more likely to face factors such as living alone, the loss of family or friends, chronic illness, and hearing loss.”
So, where do we start when it comes to building a network of loving friends and family? The good news is that it’s as easy as opening the door and getting better acquainted with the people, businesses, and organizations around us.
Take stock of the existing networks with which you may already be connected. Perhaps you enjoy the community at a church or restaurant you frequent – maybe you find it at the grocery store or during morning walks in your neighborhood. Maybe it’s friends you knew long ago who still live right around the corner. It could be your family—your adult kids or nieces and nephews who now live and work in a neighborhood nearby. In most cases, building a winning team from scratch is unnecessary. Your community likely exists today in separate, but accessible pieces. That means your challenge is to put some effort toward maintaining or re-establishing your community. Go back to church if you haven’t been in a while. Make sure there’s peace and a healthy relationship with your family and friends.
If life has changed and you’re no longer connected to the groups, venues, and activities that provide you with connection points and engagement, a much different task is ahead. In this case, you need to go out and build a new community—it is imperative to make this effort, so you should start it now.
That may mean revisiting an old hobby or joining a new worship community. Or maybe you get involved in a cause issue or activity that brings people from your neighborhood together. And if you don’t have family or good friends nearby, or you don’t know them well or don’t feel very connected to them, start building those new relationships stat! Start making plans with that niece who lives across town – invite her over for supper and make yourself a resource. Initiate a daily walk, coffee gathering, or book club with someone who moved across the street. Put heart and soul into your social currency – new or renewed!
Some easy places to begin making these connections include:
The National Council on Aging also has some suggestions for ways to flex your social engagement muscle:
These connections are meaningful because one day, you will depend on them. Plus, it’s good for your health! The bottom line is these connections bring more people into your world that you can rely on when times get tough, or who will notice when you haven’t been seen in a while and may need extra assistance. The more eyeballs we have on each other the better. As such, it is also important to have frank conversations with friends you may be counting on as “your person.” New friends may not feel equipped to be depended upon and others may be eager and ready to accept the challenge. Whatever form it takes, awareness and availability are life-giving for these relationships.
But nothing is more critical than choosing your inner circle – your special players who have the credentials they need to get things done on your behalf. This elite squad includes your Durable Power of Attorney, your Medical Power of Attorney or Health Care Proxy, and your Executor, as well as other advocacy positions like a fiduciary or trusted advisor. Designating these teammates may require a visit to an elder or estate law attorney who can direct you on the proper documentation, although this isn’t necessary in every case, especially for the role of health care proxy.
Real-talk conversation is essential to this process. Be open and honest about the expectations in this relationship. For instance, if you are determined to never, ever be subjected to a ventilator or chest-crushing revival compression, then say so – over and over again, so there is no doubt in your person’s mind what they should do in that case. Your person or people also should feel free to share their limits. Ensure the person you trust and have chosen feels confident they are well equipped to manage your life in a way that feels right for both of you.
The National Institute on Aging suggests there are some key roles and people who can help seniors get their affairs in order: “You may want to talk with a lawyer about setting up a general power of attorney, durable power of attorney, joint account, or trust. Be sure to ask about the lawyer’s fees before you make an appointment. You do not have to involve a lawyer in creating your advance directives for health care. Most states provide the forms for free, and you can complete them yourself. Learn more about completing an advance directive. You should be able to find a directory of local lawyers on the internet or contact your local library, your local bar association for lawyers, or the Eldercare Locator. Your local bar association can also help you find what free legal aid options your state has to offer. An informed family member may be able to help you manage some of these issues.”
Visit the National Institute on Aging to find more information on this important topic.
Connecting with others – whether to build community or to establish critical decision-making roles – is a winning move when it comes to Grand Planning!
Susanna Barton, a member of Jacksonville Mayor Donna Degan’s subcommittee on elder care, has worked as a professional writer in Jacksonville for nearly 30 years and is the founder of the Grand Plans online community, podcast, newsletter, and blog. Her book Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and its accompanying workbook, the Grand Planner, are available in local stores and on Amazon. For more information, http://www.mygrandplans.com.
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