It was nobody’s fault. We were all put under the same constraints. When the pandemic began, none of us had the option of continuing our normal lives: We could no longer meet up with friends, engage in social activities, or join community programs. And while some maintained connections in the early months with Zoom meet-ups and other online activities, many of those fell by the wayside as the pandemic dragged on and, not surprisingly, the bonds of many friendships are now frayed if not outright torn asunder. You may feel guilty about having lost touch with friends or you may suffer from “stress-induced social avoidance,” so that even if you could now get together, you beg off or turn down invitations. So now comes the hard work of sparking re-connections or perhaps even harder, making new friends in an era of such uncertainty. It will be challenging for sure, but as we know, loneliness and social isolation pose serious health concerns, and having valued friendships in your life goes a long way toward promoting healthier aging.

If you’re trying to prop up friendships that wilted during the pandemic, the expert advice seems to be to go slow, recognize you need to warm up that “socialization” muscle (as do your friends), and find small, joyful moments that spur on emotional bonds. As one expert makes clear, “emotions are the building blocks of relationships.” And go easy on yourself- you’re not a “bad friend” just because the friendship fizzled. Everyone was under the same pressure.

When it comes to making new friends, especially at a later stage in life, that’s a steep challenge, especially in this day and age. Most important friendships apparently are set in our early 20s, when you likely have the time and opportunity to meet new people and nurture relationships. As you get older, those organic, happenstance friendships are harder to come by. In essence, friendships are likely to happen only if you intentionally put in the work to make them happen. Experts recommend such efforts as pursuing outside interests that are likely to bring you into contact with others who share your passions, taking the first step to initiate conversations, keeping an open mind as to who might be a good candidate to be a cherished friend, and perhaps most importantly, make sure you reciprocate. Both parties have to invest in the friendship if it’s going to have any legs. A recent Wall Street Journal article (paywall) added to this advice, suggesting that you create a routine (maybe walk the dog in the same area at the same time every day) so that you’re likely to notice the same people on an ongoing basis and can then strike up a conversation.

And just like dating relationships, there are also online platforms that can facilitate meeting your new best friend with just a click or swipe. So, for example, the dating site Bumble also has an online opportunity for you to make a new friend, via Bumble BFF. We’ve previously mentioned the website Meet-Up, and then there’s also the smartphone app Friended. Even if you’re not ready to spend time in close quarters with someone you don’t know well, there are always ways to meet up and keep a distance until your reticence (or the pandemic) subsides. One example? Go on an “errand” date with a new buddy so that you can both accomplish what you need to while gaining some social traction. Finally, as geriatric psychiatrist Dr. Eric Lenze suggests, no matter what, you need to start filling up your calendar with “pleasant-events scheduling.” As Dr. Lenze makes clear, “There’s nothing about aging that suggests you can’t try new things” -or new people!