It’s not inevitable that you’ll feel lonely as you get older, but it is common among older adults (estimates are that more than one-third of adults aged 45 and older feel lonely). And as we’ve previously written, it’s a feeling that can deeply impact both your physical and mental health. Indeed, as one headline recently proclaimed, “Loneliness Can Kill.” Being lonely is associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, depression, and anxiety, leading to a projected increased risk of 26% for premature death. New research also ties loneliness to an increased risk for stroke, and together with social isolation, loneliness also appears to harm memory. Loneliness can cause real physical and cognitive harm and there’s even a biological component to loneliness, as one researcher recently described. “Loneliness (is) not dissimilar to a rumbling stomach. What hunger does for food, loneliness does for social relationships. It’s supposed to motivate us and tell us we need more people around us or that we need support. It tells us that something is wrong.”  In fact, Kasley Killam, an expert on loneliness and author of the recent book, The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health Is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier, recently advocated that we need to stop thinking about just the negative aspects of loneliness and instead focus on broader “social health,” which she argues is as essential to healthy aging as physical and mental health.  In essence, as a society, we need to recognize the critical importance of connection and relationships to our health and longevity and have proactive and preventive measures for social health the way we do for physical and mental health needs. 

While promoting relationships and social connections should be a critical policy goal for an aging society, and something you and your own physician should be monitoring to keep you on a healthy aging track, you may wonder if there are more tangible, immediate steps to take right now to address feelings of loneliness. First, you may want to test yourself to see where you fall on the “loneliness” scale. Next, like almost every modern-day problem, there are now tech apps and Artificial Intelligence (AI) products on the market to help you make connections, reduce feelings of loneliness, and engage in social encounters, even if those encounters are with “machines” rather than humans. While there are serious debates about whether using technological props will improve your ability to develop new human relationships or whether they will dull your interest in doing so, that hasn’t stopped entrepreneurs and AI developers from creating tech options to bring you companionship and ease your sense of loneliness. For example, New York State has been involved in a pilot program for the last year bringing ElliQ companion robots into the homes of lonely older New Yorkers. These robots can initiate conversations, respond to queries, tell jokes, and create real bonds with their recipients. Over 900 devices have been provided to date, and the feedback so far has been very positive: 95% of the users say the ElliQ is helping them feel less lonely and improving their sense of well-being. 

Over in England, a recent article in The Guardian described a wearable AI companion called Friend, which can record your interactions, respond by text, and engage in conversation with the user. While there are privacy concerns about the data collected (as there are with the above-mentioned ElliQ), the developer of “Friend” instead bullishly proclaims, “I think AI companionship will be the most culturally impactful thing AI will do in the world.” According to a recent article in The Washington Post, you can now download apps that create opportunities for you to meet new people for breakfast or to meet up with a group of five new companions to go out for dinner. 

But there are also some “low-tech” recommendations for how to feel less alone. For example, a recent article in National Geographic advocated for the approach of actually asking others to help you feel less alone, recognizing that community members trusting and helping each other is a tried and true way for you to be less lonely and for others to benefit from the feeling of being helpful. After all, helping gives others a purpose in addition to providing whatever is requested for the recipient. But perhaps the most useful information we can share right now for those who feel lonely is the upcoming publication early next week of the final, posthumously published book, The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life by Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the noted sex therapist who began to consider the topic of loneliness late in her life. In the book, she dispenses wisdom and strategies to help the reader address loneliness by building social bonds and dealing with the shame that can accompany loneliness. Among the words of wisdom she provides?  Since your goal is to surround yourself with people you want to be with, go out and initiate invitations and activities, and don’t wait for others to do so. She also encourages you to “chat up” your neighbors and become more involved in your community. Finally, never one at a loss for words, Dr. Ruth implores you to “speak up:” If you’re feeling lonely, let people know without shame or apology. You never know who else may feel the same way.